Flirting; Girl's Most Valuable Tool

They say... you know the ominous "they," say that dating is like a jungle. There's so many different animals and their own tribes with their own sets of social behaviours. The Bononbos for example are the animals most closely related to humans. The bonobos have a polygamous mating system..its basically one big sexually driven group of animals. They solve issues over food, land, respect and leadership with sex. Sound familiar?

What I think sets us apart, other than opposable thumbs and the ability to speak.. is our history of monogamy, like penguins. (ok that's enough animal talk)

Now..for those of us that are single and are actively seeking an alternative...you must know how to flirt. This is the most important tool that a single woman should possess - the ability to flirt..and get what she wants.

Now you can be the doting fake princess/damsel in distress.. that's not really my style. Typically this flirting style is for the self proclaimed "hot girls" who are typically blonde and are in some sorority and will yell, "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey giiiiiiiiiiiirl" across the room. Also a "wwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooo girl" when presented with shots.
this style requires vapid conversion, mostly about physical appearances, often a man will discuss how much he can bench, followed by the girl saying how many miles she ran last night.

I'm a little more laid back in my flirting. I guess i'm approachable..which is the first thing a girl should learn. BE APPRAOCHABLE, you will never get hit on if you have a stank face. Smile!

Smiling will get you everywhere. Smile -- look over at the "target" lock eyes, then coyly turn around as if you're embarrassed he caught you. Wait for 3 seconds then look back. He should be smiling by now. Smile bigger, throw a wave if he's reacting. He's yours! ...Then in 3.5 you're PREGNANT!! BOOM! hahah kidding..but this should definitely lead to a conversation, he will come over and all you have to do is be warm, receptive and yourself, remember to smile!

Now, If you're going after a very very attractive guy and you're nervous, you may think he's out of your league.But hey, you're hot, of course you can hit on him! You are going to need to think like this. Guys that know they are attractive are the worst and hardest to whip into shape, they avoid monogamy like the plague. The trick to flirting with this guy is to make him think you could care less about him. Give him the look, then look away. Stand in his area or personal space but avoid talking to him, instead, talk to his friends. Blatantly ignore him and make his friend seem like the most interesting person in the world. He'll be rude then start to crave your attention...then you've got him eating out of your hand. When you finally talk to him make sure you stay away from shallow subjects, don't let him make the conversation about anything physical, like appearances, fitness, or money. You have to keep up this act for a while..because with these guys its all about the chase. Typical.

How to get free drinks: in my experience this works 92.7% of the time. I've honed this down to 3 easy questions which typically results in free drinks. Now, I don't want to toot my own horn but.. toot toot!! This took a couple years to perfect and I think its ready.
Step 1: walk up to a guy at the bar who has just ordered or is about to order a drink.. flash him a big smile, and ask, "do you know if they have any drink specials?" If he does know, say great thanks...what did you get?? (Open ended question) then he'll tell you .. if he doesn't know ask what he's drinking.
Step 2: after he has told you his drink of choice, ask if its good. (Even if you've had it before) he will then ask what you like to drink. NOW tell him 2-3 of your favorite drinks, say you're very indecisive. Continue to make small talk.
Step 3: keep the conversation going. Introduce yourself and your friends..meet his friends and be bubbly. Now when it is time to order get behind him and say something like, "ughhh I can't decide, you pick..

This will lead him to order for you and if he's any sort of prideful gentleman ...paying for it too!

Direct and take charge flirting: now if you're a "I hate playing games" type of gal and strongly oppose having to "try" this one is for you. The trick here is to be direct and assertive without crossing into the friend zone or being too masculine. Most guys like when a girl is assertive, it takes pressure off of them and also gives them an ego boost. The key here is to be yourself, if you're direct then you should have no problem...walk up to him and introduce yourself. Just don't emasculate the guy in the process.

Now surely at least one of the above will work for you. Be yourself no matter which you choose..just be a better more polished and well educated version of yourself!! Here's to tricking men into relationships and free drinks! Cheers!

Red Lights and Stop Signs.

Ever notice what you do at a red light or a backed up stop sign? Do you turn up the music, reach for your phone, look for anything remotely interesting outside? Anything to avoid the quiet inner workings of your preoccupied mind. These red lights can be quite dangerous to a girl who tries to keep busy to take her mind off of how unhappy or sad she still is over a guy who continues to haunt her overworked mind.

You try to take control of your life, because like most breakups..control was denied from you. So you pick up a hobby, start working out, carry your ipod everywhere, make more happy-hour plans than ever before, carry on meaningless text conversations with people you aren't that interested in etc. You do all of this to avoid thinking, torturing yourself rather, with the why's of how it all happened, worse even the play by play and trying to figure out exactly where it went wrong. Now I'm not saying that this happens to everyone at a red light, but riddle me this Batman, what exactly are red lights and stop signs purpose? To slow you down when things get hectic, to create a space between where you are now and where you are trying to go. So indulge me friends...

I think, like for traffic's sake, stop signs..metaphorical red lights in this case also serve a purpose. They are a form of checks and balances, you need to be alone with your thoughts at some point and face those god awful questions you are so desperately seeking the answers to. Granted, at first you do want to keep busy and try to consume your day with positive activities. But then when you are able to go about your day without a breakdown, you have to deal with the emotions you are running away from..because it will just end up eating at you making you a miserable wretch. Sometimes you don't even know how hard you're trying to avoid these thoughts until you are forced to stand still, quitely. Take the time to reflect and face those thoughts, chances are you'll handle it better than you thought..and the more you are able to deal the faster it will help you to move on.

I wish I could say it gets easy and that you'll be fine and be better off blah blah blah..but let's just say i came to my own red light today...and though I did try and avoid thinking by searching for a half decent song on the radio and reaching for my phone...I gave in and actually took it better than I thought. Now if I can go from wishing a man herpes to successfully dealing with my jarred emotions, I think you'll be fine. In the end I realized that I've been through other, maybe even worse situations and I survived...and I will continue to bounce back, because I will never give up on myself...and I'm awesome. You should think the same of yourself.