I've heard a lot of talk about numbers lately.. you know what I'm talking about. That question the insecure love. "How many people have you slept with (dun dun duuunnnn)" I say insecure for two reasons: One, let's be honest, the reason you're asking is because you want to know where you stand in comparison. Two, you think that a certain number will accurately reflect the character of the person in question, which is placing all of your better judgment in a situation that you have no control in. You in fact, have no part in this equation ..yet it matters so much to you, because you are indeed insecure.
I guess I can understand why those people who ask this question, ask it. Maybe, as we've established.. they are just insecure. Maybe.. I'm wrong and they are freaks.. and will gauge the level of how high they wave that dirty little freak flag based on the answer given..which is highly possible (and intriguing.) The only problem with that is- isn't the real issue that you are indeed insecure of how much another person will deal with and you think you can accurately judge what someone is comfortable with by the number of people they've "admitted" to sleeping with?
Rather than continue to live like an insecure freshman ... in high school why can't we just be content in the situation we're in. Why does it matter so much that someone has a past. You have a past, that's a fact. Do you want to be judged by that? It's always going to be too low or too high for someone.. so why waste time, energy and genuine getting-to-know you feelings over something so insignificant.
People seem to be intrigued with what my number is. I get this question more than I'd like.. way, way more. I get it, I'm an open book, I have the mouth of a sailor, I think inappropriateness is completely normal - of course you want to know what my number is. Here is my answer: I stopped giving people a number because to me they are more than that, they are not a notch in my bed post and they deserve more respect than to be treated like one, as I hope I do to you. (well, some of them deserve the respect, some I could give two shits about.) To me it is of no importance, I don't have that fear of adding another number to my bullshit "list" like most girls, but that doesn't mean I think sleeping with everyone is acceptable either. I live my life on a circumstantial basis. I try my damnedest not to hold people responsible for other's mistakes and I try to avoid jealousy at all costs, which is why I never ask that ridiculous question. No good can come of it.
Number 1 or 100.. If I like you, it doesn't matter ---unless you're terrible. Then you need experience.
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100% agree... I've only ever been asked once and that whole "honesty is the best policy thing"...way way wrong time to employ that line of thought!
Just say you lost count.
I usually ask "at once"?
a few thoughts... 1. after you know your relationship is going to be a long-term, serious thing don't u think u have a lil bit of a right to know the truth? It's part of who you are so aren't you being insecure for holding that back? 2. to counter that- you're right.. knowing the answer would probably cause a lot of insecurity and jealously. If it's a huge deal then they probably aren't the person for you. 3. I don't think a number can be too low- and if they think it is they're probably a douche or pornstar. -Cdawg
ps. I can barely read the phrase you have to enter to prove you're not a robot. jeez
Yet again, great point. I will be adding this to my lessons learned.
Thanks Philip! You make an interesting point, for honesty to work you need two level headed, non-judgmental people in a relationship. Those that pretend to be don't need this question answered. What is the point?
Let me guess, James Stevens. Douche.
Nice! #Adult.
I agree with some of your points I also have some follow up questions
1. If you know you're going to be long-term and are accepting that at this point - without knowing.. what is the point. What will that change. If you see yourself with this person already...Does it matter? IF it does, doesn't that prove all of the above? 2. Yes, the answer will never be what you want it to be.. almost never. 3. to counter your point, though I can see it: A number can be too low, you may fear that at one point your partner will start to regret committing when they may have not experienced all there is... which might cause friction in a relationship? No?
Thank you Amy! Hope it goes well for you!
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