A Guy's Perspective

My friend and Co-worker, Mick and I disagree on just about everything; religion, politics, social issues, music etc. We are complete opposites, he is white, republican, and a man. I am, well, none of those things. The one thing we can agree on (most of the time) is dating. He says men are purposely distant and avoid any sort of conversation that may lead to speaking of commitment. With that said, I couldn't agree more. We also agree that women.. as near and dear to my heart, are crazy. We see terms like, "casual" "low-maintenance" "no strings, fun" as challenges, not literally. This is the biggest disconnect between the two sexes. (Granted there is an exception to every rule. Some girls are very capable of being casual - I think I am one of them, and not all guys are dirtbags, though I've yet to see that for myself.)


These are just some conversations for some intuitive background: 


[on dumping one girl for another or dating both]

Mick says (3:57 PM)

want to d8 or b4n9?

Samantha Ramos says (3:57 PM)

if i were a guy i'd man the fuck up and call

both?

Mick says (3:57 PM)

ya

then text maybe?

[on dating my friends, notice the initial expectancy of "relationship"]

Samantha Ramos says

i'd like to keep my friends.. if i introduce them to you... they'd hate

me

Mick says (10:15 AM)

just for like a month it wouldnt last long

Samantha Ramos says (10:15 AM)

exactly

Mick says (10:15 AM)

quick and painless like tearing off a band aid

[on being "casual"]

Mick  ck says (10:10 AM)

i usually like to keep it really vague, ambiguous and as confusing for the girl as possible

that way she will have to put herself out there if she likes you, but you leave yourself some wiggle room too and then the ball is in your court

Now, I'm not trying to throw  Mick  under the bus at all. He is honest, with me. We help each other out by analyzing the conversations and subtext of our quandaries. I often see the other side of my problems, through him. I can see how it is confusing when a girl says, "yea I'm not looking for anything serious either" -what she really means is, "challenge accepted." or yea, "I don't care if you date other people.." -what she means is, "i'm going to be worse than the CIA and stalk the shit out of you and this supposed other girl, showing you all of my crazy."

So, it's not all guys fault.. though don't hold this against me later. There is a huge disconnect between the subtext of our words. Guys will honestly be more literal. Usually what the say they mean. Girls on the other hand, assume there is more to analyze and will rarely say what they mean. Women will be very careful to mold into what they think or assume the guy wants..presenting the best or altered version of themselves then wonder why it didn't work. Probably because as soon you you dropped the act, shit hit the fan.. then you blame the guy but really if you were just honest about yourself.. you maybe could have spared yourself the pain.

On another hand, how the hell do you get a guy to ..well.. how do you get a guy? If they all are conscious about avoiding anything remotely reeking of commitment ...what do you do? What I've learned from Mick, is that he liked a girl who was just herself from the beginning. She made moves first wasn't afraid to initiate.. was funny and nice. So maybe just doing and saying things  you actually mean is best. Be yourself because at least if you are yourself you won't have to keep an act up. Let's face it, dating is hard enough as it is.. why throw acting in to the mix.