Just Around the River Bend

Single in the summer. Though it has its perks, such as debauchery with no one to "report" to or no one to consider when making plans on a whim, can also have tons of sad sad feelings of loneliness. Surely I have not always felt like this, but this is the summer after an amazing summer last year,where I was - one of those couples. The ones I now loathe, despise even, has made me painfully aware of what this summer will lack. Now.. when thinking of all the things I missed - which started with just this summer conundrum such as: romantic river trips, driving down to the beach on a whim, kayaking together, wine tastings, summer concerts under the oak trees, patio drinking etc I realized there is something more I miss.  Sex. Sex on the regular, like whenever I want it. All of these events that I remember so fondly.. led to great but short  sex.

Now is my time.. I can feel it. It's as Pocahontas would put it, "just around the river-bend" I am not desperate or anything, if I really wanted to get laid, or as a lady would put it, "watch a movie" with someone, I could. I'm just over the casualness-empty feelings of a sober morning-regret.  Now don't hold me to this on a drunken Saturday night come 2:30am. I understand that this blog post is a bit uncomfortable to talk about.. but clearly, I'm inappropriate, but isn't that why you're reading this and love me? Here is some real quick footnotes about my life. My Mom, who drives me ape-shit is a nurse at a middle school in my home town. She knows all my friends and all the kids who hate me. She, at one time was the Sex-Ed teacher. She took that knowledge along with some bullshit "subliminal" parenting guide she once picked up to drill safe sex into my brain from the age of 9. Yes, NINE. I didn't have the Birds and the Bees talk, I had diagrams and National Geographic. I was never taught that sex was a taboo subject or wrong, or was sacred and reserved for marriage (though it was encouraged). Not that I'm in any way blaming my mother, in fact, quite the opposite. I loved it, except when she would drop my friends and I off  at the bowling alley at the age of 13 and say "remember girls, Wrap it UP!" I wish I was kidding. I think that I have way less issues than some people, when it comes to sex, intimacy, communication etc because of how open my Mom and I are about sex. For that, I am thankful, because let's face it - sex is fun. 

So with that knowledge, I can't help myself but stare at couples who are clearly having lots of sex, because they are so lovey dovey and gross, PDA'ing it up all over Austin. Just mocking me. Teasing. Rubbing it in. Bastards. I people-watch, now I've turned that sport into couple-watching. I catch myself wondering how often they have sex. This is ridiculous, I'm aware. But those assholes have the greatest release of frustration and well, I'm frustrated. These feelings coupled with 50 shades of Grey, 7 days of sex on TLC, and anxiously awaiting thew new season of True Blood...does not make for a pleasant summer. 

To be clear, it's not just the act of sex that I miss. It's the intimacy, the mutual respect for one another in a relationship, the eagerness to please each-other. It is the simple fact that you love them or at least, care enough to  want to please them.I want that again. I NEED that. So if you are currently in a relationship, and you are those couples, fuck you. No really, treasure it. Be the best version of yourself and let the petty things go, because those sexually-frustrated and single as fuck people like me.. are hanging back in the shadows.. waiting for you to slip up and snag the person you took for granted. Mwuahaha.