being a lady...

So in high school you realize that good girls get nowhere.

Then in college you realize that being one of the guys and being profane and crude is more appealing than being a priss.

Now, somewhere in between 20 and 30 you realize.. SHIT i'm supposed to be.. a.. LADY?! First, you're surprised that this idea still exists. Second, your pissed. Third, you try to remember what being a lady was like because the last memory you've had was your mom smacking your hands in church when you were a little girl and telling you to cross your legs and be quiet, "like a lady." --so to me, being a lady is equivalent to "crossing my legs" and "staying quiet". Whoa. mind blown. Thanks Mom.

Now, clearly trying to avoid both these things.. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm attempting to be a very modern lady. So keeping what makes me, me and making that less offensive. Also growing up has real way of ensuring karma finds you. You start to realize a lot of what you judged people for a mere 3-5 years ago is exactly what you crave. Karma is a real bitch.
Examples:

Hey, wanna have sex?
lady translation: Shall we lay together, in the biblical sense?


I'm fucking starving.
"oh, I'm not that hungry, I'll just have a salad."


let's go out and get waaaasted!!!
let's get dinner and maybe a glass of wine. I don't want to get too tipsy.  OR let's go dancing!


Bitch please.
ohh, girl, you are too much.


Eww did that guy just hit on you, he's gross
ohh, did that guy hit on you, does he have a job? oh he does.. you should go out with him. --does he have a brother, or friend? 


She's engaged? WTF we still have all of our 20s.
she's engaged? omg i'm sooo jealous. Does he have any single friends?


You met on Facebook? --ugh
How do I connect my Facebook to my dating profile sites?


Fuck you.
bless your heart


God-damnit-shit-balls-fuck
ohh my word. 


Saturday night raging!
wednesday night dinners?


This is a real problem for me. I am not a lady. I guess... i'll just have to wait around for someone to like me for me. lord help me.