Beware: Wrong Vibes

I'm pissed. If you are a member of my family.. please kindly stop reading.

Sorry, had to start off with that, it's that kind of blog. So I don't know what it is about me, some sort of vibe I must unknowingly be giving off that says, "douche canoes welcome! Please come on too strong, thoroughly creep me out, treat me shitty and by all means, yes send me dick pics" Because.. that is my life. If I knew what this "vibe" was please trust, I'd be shutting that shit down, real quick.

Now that I got that out there.. here is my issue. Yes, I am very open (hence this blog), Yes, I am forward at times. Yes, I curse like a sailor and I am super inappropriate. Yes, I enjoy having sex.

NO, it is not ok to send me a dick pic before meeting me. No, it is not ok to tell your friends that I will be seduced by a dick pic. No, you shouldn't assume I will sleep you you. No, you shouldn't assume I will hook up with your friend who is in town.

It's like I can't win. I am not the damsel in distress type who is cutesie and fake. I can't pretend to laugh at all your jokes or make you think I give two shits about how many points you scored in your bullshit recreational league. I don't care that you were a big deal in high school. I don't need you rescue me. I sure as shit don't need anyone to cook for or clean up after. Yet, those girls get the loving phone calls, the pet names like "sugar, baby, etc" Those girls get the attentiveness. Me, I get secret admirer dick pics, late night calls, texts on weekend nights- only. Basically, somehow someone decided I was going to be the girl you observe the "twitter" rule with. No messages over 140 characters, as my coworker explained. Well fuck that. I am unleashing the bitch. I've already severed ties with a few guys who thought this was acceptable. I will call out the next idiot who decides a dick pic is a perfectly acceptable introduction, and for the love of God, If you are going to send a dick pic.. make sure it is hard. No one, and I mean NO ONE finds a flacid penis attractive.