When life gives you lemons...

When life gives you lemons.. book a flight to NYC by yourself and EAT ALL OF THE PIZZA!

So, recently I've been going through some struggles: financially, professionally, romantically (always) and personally, I've identified and rectified my own struggle with being to comfortable and complacent. Listen, I know how easy it is to make excuses for not shaking it up a little, but when it became less fun for me I knew I had to do something about it. I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, tried harder at shallow friendships and completely changed my routine. I picked up some hobbies, like running and yoga, got out of town a lot, quit looking for men; because let's be honest, when you're looking you find scum. Finally, the big push was realizing that it is OK to go home. I never though I would be moving back home, but I've decided, that right now, it might be for the best. I want to go home, gather myself, make and save some money, maybe make a dent in my student loans, travel some more, consider grad school, grow up a little, then when I'm ready, move to Denver/NYC/Cali/ATX who knows (leaning towards Colorado). Either way, it is not permanent, I want to just go with the flow and follow whatever path I make for myself or the universe interrupts me with, because the universe is one nosy bitch.

On this cusp of my semi-adult decision before the calm, in the midst of a full mental breakdown, I knew that I just needed something to look forward to, which is where this solo trip to NYC started. Luckily, I have great friends and family out there so I will have a place to stay and people to roam and eat with, who else is going to instagram for me? This trip could not come at a better time, in just 2 days I will be in Manhattan, eating, drinking, getting some culture, hipstering it up a little and mostly, just being plain fabulous. I have to say, this new found inner peace and complete Carpe Diem attitude of mine, is pretty amazing and it's a shame it only happened under extreme stress and loss of emotional stability but hey, you know what, I'm just going to ride this wave... because YOLO bitch.

To be continued post NYC....

(it was almost inspiring, ruined it with YOLO, right?)

How To Have a Good Night.

1. Wear something cute and comfortable, if you have any doubts on those heels honey, switch em out. Walking barefoot to your car is not a good look. 
2. Going out with the intention to "meet someone" will ensure you have a miserable time, and you'll probably meet the king of douches, just to satisfy your goal. Nothing good happens and your standards disappear. 
3. If there is a drunk crier in your group, leave the bitch at home.
4. Lipstick. Trust me.
5. Gum. Always. 
6. Sugary drinks, don't. 
7. Dance whenever possible. No dance floor? No problem, make your own. Seriously though, standing around isn't fun. 
8. If you have a tolerance, stay somewhere between 3-5 drinks. Don't be a slob-ka-bob, but don't be a wet blanket either. (personally, this is my problem, I never know which drink will be the one to send me over the edge. Not a good look for me.)
9. Deal with your drama BEFORE going out - whatever it may be, and don't talk about it anymore. NO one, not even your bestie will want to try and understand your crisis over the DJ while you're screaming to her.
10. Sometimes you have compartmentalized friends - don't try and make your study friends your party friends - don't mix groups. 
11. Friends don't let friends leave 6th st without Pizza.  (ok, some of you are watching your weight or whatever.. but still. come on, just one slice.)
12. Unless it's your birthday or Bachelorette - don't dance on the bar. Just don't.
13. If you feel like your weekends are getting too monotonous, try something new, go to a different part of town, different bars, or ... scavenger hunt! Make it fun.
14. Go home at a decent time. Nothing good can happen after 2am. (personal choice/experience)
15. HAVE FUN! It's a choice, always. Choose to be in the moment and choose to make the best out of everything. 

Give less of a shit.

Well, it's been a minute, hasn't it? I've been busy, life happens, I was in a slump, etc etc. bullshit excuse goes here. Sorry about it.

Through this time of blogging silence, I have learned a few things. One, it is for certain, I will die alone. Two, I am too comfortable. I need to shake it up and be uncomfortable. I go to the same places with the same people and do the same things. Heck, I even drink and eat the same things. Ruby Red and water, Vodka-water with lemon, Mexican Martinis (if you don't know what this is, you're not from Austin and you should Google it), and Tex Mex food. I need to break out of this funk. Move out of this city possibly, make noise, leave a mark, stand for something, volunteer, dance alone in public, give less of a shit.. you know?  Complacency is no joke, its the silent killer. Killer of spirit, soul, and dreams. I've realized, that more than men, I, am my worst enemy. I allow myself to continuously get hurt, and in the words of Hannah Horvath, "get my heart stomped on like monkey meat." I need to put an end to it. I cannot keep doing this to myself. That being said, I am on a mission to make myself uncomfortable, but not in like a rape-y sketch situation, just in the sense that I am going to push my boundaries. I will (try to) no longer shy away from things because it might be awkward or because I'm nervous, or because I don't know what I will look like, or how people will look at me. Screw 'em! Everyone puts so much emphasis on first impressions, me more than anyone, and to a fault. I am so in my own head about how I'm acting that it becomes almost an act, a bad one, but an act nonetheless. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still myself but I'm so aware and nervous that I get lost in my head.

From now on I'm going to be present, in the moment, oblivious to other's perceptions and unapologetic about it. At least, ...I'm gonna try! These are the things I think will help me:

1. Mix it up, try a different bar, maybe spend more time on the East side or Rainey St. 
2. Exotic new restaurants - or new to me at least
3. Dance in public, by myself. On the street or something maybe in an elevator ... I'm gonna go crazy. --I had this thought of recording it, or having a friend record me.. and sort of document my journey to give less of a shit. Nothing helps you overcome giving a shit like pure humiliation. 
4. Date more. Date the right kind of guys  - as in the opposite of the ones that I'm immediately attracted to.  
5. Or not date at all. And not dwell on it - give less of a shit. 
6. Surround myself with people who are genuine
7. Quit worrying so much about how I look and just accept my body, face, hair etc. 
8. Limit my spending and save money to travel. Anywhere, Somewhere.
9. Read more. 
10. Invest time in writing. 
11. Quit talking about and go after it. all the things. 
12. Get back in to yoga and running
13. Volunteer 

Little things.

I am now a 26 semi functioning adult woman. As such, I've come to acquire some knowledge that would have been extremely helpful and would have made life a hell of a lot easier if women would have fucking told me when I was pre-pubescent. Topics we are all familiar with, but the important un-discussed parts such as:

Men, brace yourself, I'm beginning with... PERIODS. Why doesn't anyone tell you how bad the emotional and physical side effects are going to be. Sure they warn you about cramps and back pain, bloating and the occasional headache. Here's what they don't tell you: one week before your period you turn in to a fucking chihuahua and want to dry hump the living shit out of every man (or woman, if that's what you're in to) who makes more than 3 seconds of eye contact with you. Then you get super emotional and can't decide between chocolate and spicy food or sour stuff. Every commercial makes you cry and the outside world makes you furious. Combine your emotional warfare with debilitating cramps, back pain and then oh hey why not throw in some extreme bloating to increase your self-loathing and bring you back to a state of being an emotional wreck every time you see yourself naked in the mirror, that's fun! Whew and then repeat every month UNTIL YOU DRY UP and go through menopause. Oh the joys of being a woman.

Then there's breakups, oh lawd. Mothers, please fully prepare your daughters for their first world shattering breakup. Tell them it's ok to just, sit and cry. Then tell them that after 2-3 days they need to focus on something else. Tell them that eating normally is imperative. Then tell them, that building up walls to make sure they never feel that way again will never work, it will only make things worse. Finally, tell them they will probably feel that way at least 3 more times, but it's ok because it will eventually work out. (Right? Here's hoping!)

Dating: listen up ladies, those gut feelings you get, listen to them. You are recognizing those red flags that if ignored, will come back and bite you in the ass.

Friendship: For the love of god, treat your friends like the way you want to be treated. Know when to repair and when to end a friendship. Go above and beyond for them, but if they don't do the same recognize that they may not be as good of a friend as you thought they were. Then decide if you can keep them as an acquaintance or just let it fizzle out.

Exercise: Do it for you. NO one else. Especially not a man. If a guy ever tells you that you'd be even more beautiful if you lost some weight, reply with this, "Yea, you might be right, but you'd be a hell of a lot more satisfying if your dick grew another inch." Then delete that asshole from your life. Bye, Felicia. 

Shopping: just because it's on sale, is not good enough. Buy things you KNOW you will wear. Shoes are kryptonite, those.. you can buy on sale. (I have a problem.) Versatile pieces will transform your wardrobe, layering will make your closet work in all seasons. The only designer pieces you can justify are: purses, watches and jeans. Everything else probably won't last and won't make a difference. Cute is cute bitch, stop being such a label whore.


These are just some things I wish I knew from the get-go. Do you agree? What else would you add?

Mr. "Technically" We're Not Together

Color me annoyed. I am aware of the many.. many.. maaaaany forms of douche but in all my years I've never been so duped. That is if I was talking about me, hypothetically.. I mean, it could be anyone. Suck on that internet.

The "She's not technically my girlfriend" douche, aka the "committmentphobe" douche, aka the "keep her on the back-burner" douche. Ah yes.. I know the latter two but the first, I have yet to meet, well.. until recently.

Let's just say I've had a friend for a while, a friend who shares a lot of the same interests as I do. One such interest is music and this amazing little music festival/vacation I attend annually, errr we attend annually. Anyway, as in the past four years.. this trip comes around, like clockwork there is an initial message, "Hey you going this year?" followed by the obvious, "yea, duh.. where are you staying?" ...which escalates to "let's meet up at  [condo name]."

This year however, is different, I Facebook stalk just as much as the next girl.. or as I like to think of it.. doing my due diligence. Well.. seems our little friend has a "sorta girlfriend" you know.. Facebook default photo of the two.. trips and lots of check-ins/status updates with just them - mostly on her part. So I was pretty weary of how this trip would go down this year, would she be there too? They are not "Facebook Official" so maybe its not serious? Does that make me horrible? Don't care. --err sorta. I really care actually.. but let's just say that hypothetically, there has been past transgressions with the afore mentioned and let's just say that it was AMAZING. EARTH SHATTERING DELICIOUSNESS. See my problem, uuuh hypothetically that is.

Fast forward to the trip. Day one - "Hey, I'm at [insert concert] you here?" He responds, "Yea, where are you?!" --fast forward once more to me hanging out with him and his entire family.. oh yea. I've met his family (father, brother, sister, sister-in-law) the whole shaaabang. Why aren't we dating? Well... good question, he lives in a different state :( .. i know.  Well, my guilty conscience starts  panging so i bluntly ask.. as his hand strokes my lower back, "Hey, don't you have a girlfriend?"
"I don't have a girlfriend, I am seeing someone but.. she's just, not the one. She's really nice and all, but I'm just dating her because she likes me so much, she's nice and I really have no reason not to, yet. Well not until I move to Texas" as he slyly winks at me.  "So you're just killing time with her?" I ask.. offended and slightly excited?  "I guess, but that sounds terrible" Realizing he's losing any chance with me he flips the switch, "You know, she knows about you. My brother told her once, then she hacked into my account and my phone, she doesn't want me seeing you while I'm here." "Well you fucked that one up already didn't you, I mean, it's day one." I say. "I know, I couldn't not see you" he says.  Just like that.. I'm a goner.

Well.. as luck or fate or hormones would would have it, we end up together.. in the biblical sense, and yet again, AMAZING.

We have plans for the whole trip.. then day two. We see each other briefly.

Day three, I can't find him on Facebook. That asshole deleted me?! Day three - part two, I run into him, livid.. I didn't bother to text him back that day. I confront him in my whiskey induced haze, "did you fucking delete me?"  "No babe, I wouldn't do that, I deactivated my account.. it was something I had thought about doing anyway.. you know, for work."
"While on vacation? Come on bro, I'm not stupid.. good luck with your girl, hope she moves up from the back burner, douche."

Needless to say, that was the end of that, I continued to get wasted and now I write about it.  ---err hypothetically speaking, of course.