she only sexts when she drinks.

My name is Sam, and I am a drunk sexter texter.

Welcome, this club, unlike the secretive and fraternity-like selective group of AA, are not so anonymous. Mostly becuase our disease follows us. We have no choice, even if we wanted to be anonymous, as most normal humans would, we have friends and mistakes that like to remind us of our inebriated ridiculousness.

Now, if you're anything like me, which I'd like to think if we're friends then you are, you also suffer from this problem. I don't know what kind of demon inhabits my body after 3~7 drinks but that little asshole that takes over my mind, body and most importantly, my cell phone...really has it out for me. I lose dignity, respect, the upper hand, you name it. What's worse is that sober, I don't feel the same. (typically.)
I'm sick and tired of being the girl you want to sleep with, not the one you want to date. I'm all grown up and secure with myself. I know what I want and what I don't want. I can see the red flags early on and I am able to steer clear of messy situations, thanks to previous experiences. I am not only learning from my mistakes but I'm in search of getting what I want...with one little exception.

I'm confusing as fuck when I drunk text. 

I know that not all girls will admit this but sometimes we are human too. We aren't just women who were taught to be ladies. We are people with the same hormones, needs and feelings other people have (men). Now, this doesn't really match up with my, "I'm so grown up, I'm the girl you can marry, you should date me" persona I'm trying to portray, but sometimes my disease gets the best of me.

The worst part about this drunk texting situation is the awkward conversations that follow in the sober morning. Nothing will make you feel worse about yourself than seeing what you wrote. It's as if you have two personalities, Dr. Jekel and Mrs. Sexual, if you will. Once you put yourself in this situation of being someones late night drunken text friend, you can't escape this role. You can kiss any real chance at dating this person goodbye. You are no longer an option, instead you are plan B, congrats. You will be the one you're "friend" will start to sext at 1:30 am because they aren't having any luck at whatever bar they're at.

Maybe they're bored one day at work and rather than put in any real effort in talking to someone, they'll text you.. they're may be some glimmer of hope in a non-sexual, "hey, how's your day going" but trust... that sexual undertone is sneaking its way in soon. This leads me to my real problem. I have self sabotaged any real chance I might have had with guys I actually like by engaging in this drunk texting relationship too quickly. Instead of being honest with myself, sober and figuring out what it is I feel for these men, I let myself figure it out in a drunken state. Ridiculous. Now don't get me wrong, I don't completely blame myself, because I believe if a guy really likes you and wants to date you, that drunk texting, is just another bonus. Any guy with an interest in a girl who sends them a slightly sexual message would appreciate the gesture. However, a guy with no intent to commit sees this as an excuse or get out of jail free card. He can just as easily blame you and you're messy casual-like messaging as the reason for not leading to anything as his committmentphobic lack of interest.

Ladies (Sam), we must find a way to separate the men we like from the men we casually sext. Because let's face it.. asking a drunk texter to not drunk text is like asking a fish to not swim. Impossible. Rather than let ourselves down with false hope, let's get it together. Let us see men clearly and establish our own feelings first. I shall now categorize my phone by First name, Last nameDNS (Do Not Sext). This shall solve all my problems. Granted, that's if my alter ego, Mrs. Sexual allows it. On another note, I will no longer speak to anyone who unprovokingly drunk texts me. I now understand that if they only message me in the sexual late night manner, they most likely have no interest in dating me. Rather than reciprocate, to fill in a boyfriend-ish void, I will no longer participate. That ship has sailed. If you cannot talk to me on the phone or message me at a decent hour without any liquid courage and better yet cannot speak to me without any sexual subtext, then I have no business speaking to you. I have enough friends and I'm not in the market for new ones.

Tis the year of kicking the sexting habit. Here's to not hating myself and my phone in the morning. Cheers!