Disclaimer: there is no scientific/psychological/ evidence to prove the theory below, mostly just my personal feelings.. it's a rant, ok. Don't be so serious.
Through all my ups and downs regarding men I've come to realize-- well, not much; but I've come to realize that i know exactly what I DON'T want. It's a start. I'd call that progress.. I was a real trainwreck before (if you can believe that it was worse). Oh. It was so much worse.
So this guy that has been a somewhat promising prospect, I've now decided unbeknownst to him, that he is just not something I want to pursue.
Now let me explain. I too, think its almost completely ridiculous that me, a single as fuck/cursed dater/perpetual victim of infidelity is turning someone away?! The reason being, he's got that Bro problem or how I describe the Jeckyll & Hyde issue. He constantly tells me how much of a "nice" guy he is and that he is usually the one to get hurt. RED FLAG because every guy I've ever dated that screwed me over claimed to be the nice guy and the one who typically gets hurt. Sure buddy, I'll remember that when you cheat on me like the rest did before you. Which leads me to his next fault; to defend himself in any argument he has on multiple occasions to placate me said, "I'm not those guys you've dated before"...etc. Well played, douche. You're right, at least those guys were charming enough to get me to fall for them first. All of his (Mr. Hyde) actions are contradicting everything he, (Dr. Jeckyll -ish) says . He argues with me, brings up my past, he's flaky, disappears ... etc.
What keeps him as a prospect, or has kept him you wonder? He is a master at the grand gesture. He is ultra romantic and is a typical Prince Charming when he falls out of my good graces. I finally realized that I really don't like him in the day to day, small things, kind of way. I love his romantic, grand gestures, sweeping me off my feet -side of him... but that only happens after a few days, weeks even of anger, let down etc. I am just not willing to have to deal with that anymore. It is too stressful and the bad definitely outweighs the good, in this situation.
Now.. I know it's one thing to describe his behavior it but here is a real-life situation.
He goes to another state for a job for a few weeks and I don't hear from him. Something traumatic happens and he calls me and won't stop. In an effort to be a better human being, I foolishly am there for him during this tough time. Then I don't hear from him for a while and find out (via Facebook) that he's back in Texas. I, in a drunken fit of rage, text him and tell him I'm done. We have this long (on his part) conversation, mostly my one word responses and his overly explained excuses. Where in the end, I end the conversation with the best advice I've ever learned - even though it its from "he's just not that into you"(don't judge, chances are you could learn a few things too). I tell him, you know what, if you want to see me, you will. If someone wants to talk to someone they will, even if it is for a minute or text me after you book your flight, it takes 5 seconds. So you're whole argument is bullshit and I'm done. Lose my number, forget me completely."
He then stops, mostly because I hung up and sends me a text saying, "I hope we can talk about this like adults, when we're not caught up in the heat of the moment." OH NO HE DIDN'T imply I was being Childish. He did. He did, indeed. So naturally, I ignore this message and go about my awesome time ( I was on a trip and headed to a concert that I told him about before.) I later get another message from him saying, "you're right if someone wants to see you, they will. I am here at the concert. It was sold out but I got in."
Smooth, right? These are the things he's good at. He finds his way back into my good graces, but then after that day... he just drove off to visit some friends and has begun his little disappearing act, he's mastered by the way.
I'm sick of it. I know that this is probably not the great love that I want. I know that if I'm being honest with myself, is a relationship of convenience and is just something to occupy my time. Someone to text, someone to see occasionally etc. So, be done with it, right? Right. The only thing is... I can't seem to stop myself from being excited about the grand gestures. How does one not let that affect your better judgment? Help.
If you were in this situation, what would you do?
Now.. I know it's one thing to describe his behavior it but here is a real-life situation.
He goes to another state for a job for a few weeks and I don't hear from him. Something traumatic happens and he calls me and won't stop. In an effort to be a better human being, I foolishly am there for him during this tough time. Then I don't hear from him for a while and find out (via Facebook) that he's back in Texas. I, in a drunken fit of rage, text him and tell him I'm done. We have this long (on his part) conversation, mostly my one word responses and his overly explained excuses. Where in the end, I end the conversation with the best advice I've ever learned - even though it its from "he's just not that into you"(don't judge, chances are you could learn a few things too). I tell him, you know what, if you want to see me, you will. If someone wants to talk to someone they will, even if it is for a minute or text me after you book your flight, it takes 5 seconds. So you're whole argument is bullshit and I'm done. Lose my number, forget me completely."
He then stops, mostly because I hung up and sends me a text saying, "I hope we can talk about this like adults, when we're not caught up in the heat of the moment." OH NO HE DIDN'T imply I was being Childish. He did. He did, indeed. So naturally, I ignore this message and go about my awesome time ( I was on a trip and headed to a concert that I told him about before.) I later get another message from him saying, "you're right if someone wants to see you, they will. I am here at the concert. It was sold out but I got in."
Smooth, right? These are the things he's good at. He finds his way back into my good graces, but then after that day... he just drove off to visit some friends and has begun his little disappearing act, he's mastered by the way.
I'm sick of it. I know that this is probably not the great love that I want. I know that if I'm being honest with myself, is a relationship of convenience and is just something to occupy my time. Someone to text, someone to see occasionally etc. So, be done with it, right? Right. The only thing is... I can't seem to stop myself from being excited about the grand gestures. How does one not let that affect your better judgment? Help.
If you were in this situation, what would you do?
3 comments:
Omg.. we've talked about this already but I had the SAME problem. Disappearing man is no good. Don't try to get him back because he disappeared in the first place. He's already gone. Everything he tells you now is an empty promise until he finds something better. At least that's what my guy did. I'm actually relieved that it's over!
yes! Omg so ridiculous! Thanks, I know.. I think this time around I'll be smart and listen to my head, vs my stupid heart (vagina).
Eventually you'll get so sick of his bullshit that the "grand gestures" will be meaningless. If you want to deal with it sooner, though, rather than wait for it to wear out.... dump him and block his number.
Beckie
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