Like all my trips home, I kept it short and sweet.. but my Mother had other plans. She was dead-set on "teaching me a lesson" or what I like to think of as "breaking my spirit." Difference of opinion, to say the least. First, she pushes the weight button, but since I've been working out.. she didn't say a thing, in mom-code this is a good thing. She will pick at me if I look 5 pounds heavier but never pat me on the back or job well-done if I look good. Second, she asks how my dating life is going, "are you still seeing that one guy..?" No mom, I told you..he wasn't really my type..etc. Finally, she gives me the kiss of death, "well Sam, you know..you may just have to accept the fact that you'll NEVER get married. Maybe you'll just end up alone like your aunts. It's not a bad life..but relationships and marriages are about sacrifice, and well..you aren't willing to make them, obviously." "You should focus your attention on your little cousins and pray you get a neice or nephew to take care of you...since you'll be alone."
FUCK. My mom really has a way with words, doesn't she. I asked her why she would ever say that to me. To prepare me, she says. As if my expectations weren't low enough..now I should expect to die alone, perfect.
Naturally I am worried, what does it mean if your mom gives up hope? Am I doomed? Am I really destined to be a spinster lonely bitter woman? God I hope not. Now I'm worried but don't get me wrong, I don't think I will end up alone, because I love, Love. I love being in relationships (despite what previous blogs may portray). I thoroughly enjoy having that person you can come home to and share all of your meaningless day to day details with, having that emotional connection with someone who just gets you and knows when to kiss you or when not to kiss you and just rub your back. I like having a lover, an activity partner, a confidant, a partner and best friend all in one. I don't think the problem lies in not being able to sacrifice or being too picky; which was my mother's final concern.. and here's why:
I dated a hippie, a bum with no ambition, a drop-out, a pot-head, drug dealing low life, man-child who refuses to grow up, and countless other no-good men; these are just the oh so dreamy and irresistible men who I've been in serious relationships with. Obviously, being picky or "too choosy" is not the problem, if anything, quite the opposite. I should be more picky.. set my standards a little higher even.
So is it really that I can't or won't make sacrifices? Now, I'm no saint but I'd like to think I'm pretty giving and supportive so I really, honestly, truly do not believe that this is the issue. Like I said before, the types of guys I've dated are so different and the amount of sacrifice needed to sustain those relationships was far more than anyone should have to make. Granted, they weren't all bad (during the course of our relationships) they also made sacrifices like showering regularly, for me and well.. hygiene *yes, I'm referring to the hippie.
I feel like I've gone above and beyond the call of duty that is expected from a girlfriend and willingly too. I am a giver, with relationships and friendships. I enjoy being there for the people I care about, emotionally and physically. I've always been the person people talk to and unload, I accept this duty with open arms, so it is really hard for me to believe that the reason I am alone or according to my mother, will die alone, is because I am unwilling or incapable of making sacrifices.
With that said, I'm back to square one. Why the hell am I still single? Why do I end up dating these terrible men who leave me heartbroken? Is it me, is it them, is some uncanny instinct for picking the worst men? Is it something about me that is so vulnerable that even the "nicest guys" can take advantage of me? I have no idea, but I refuse to give up hope. because then I'll really be alone. Instead I just have to keep the faith and believe in myself and trust that I know what is best for me.
I feel like I'm a little wiser now and recognize signs I have never noticed before. I'm also, for the first time paying attention to these signs. If I've learned anything from my failed relationships, it is to trust my instincts and stop making excuses for men, letting the little things go, that aren't really little things at all. I may not give someone a second thought, but if I do this it is because I am not willing to settle for the sake of being with someone. I want it all. I want eternal love, I want for someone to love me as much as I love them. I want someone to WANT to spend their life with me, and if you aren't that person, I refuse to give you a piece of my heart, because there really isn't much left.
So, here's hoping I don't die alone. Pray for me please.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Humble Pie
In an effort to be less bitter about being alone.. and stop relying on fate or god to jump in and deliver me a man worth wasting time on, I joined a dating site. Now, for me, this is the epitome of karma kicking my ass whilst sticking its tongue out at me saying, "i told you so" in a 5 year old voice. I was very against these dating sites at any age younger than 30 because, as I used to say, you still have time, what's the rush?
Well my friends, I am eating my words on top of a large slice of humble pie. I've come to the realization that the good ole college days of meeting guys at bars and exchanging phone numbers, along with pleasantries does not happen at this age anymore. ahh 24 not quite a college student, definitely not a full grown adult, however.. I am at the age where I know what works for me and what doesn't. Exchanging phone numbers, small talk and trying to justify publicly making out at a bar..does not work out these days. So I thought I'd give this whole dating site a shot. So far so good, but hey it's only day 3, plenty of time to screw it up.
I've received tons of messages, been asked out, chatted and selectively replied to a few men. What I do know thus far is that, this online dating thing is quite the ego boost. Also, I can rate men publicly and not be judged for it. (finally.)
My issue though, aaah yes I have an issue; is that I don't know how to sell myself. I find the whole thing to be narcissistic and fake. I know that the profile is like the first impression and mine is pretty much like meeting me after 3 tequila shots; short sentences, blatantly honest, opinionated and unapologetic and not at my full potential.
So.. I need help. I just can't find it in me to write something worth reading. I question every sentence by asking myself, what kind of person would that attract? I'm not left with much. Basically the part where your supposed to sell yourself has, "I'm complicated but laid back. I'm also a contradiction." that was the best I could come up with.
I've come to the conclusion that you cannot escape games in dating, not even virtually. If I'm too mushy I'll attract the wimps, if I'm to cheerful I might get a hippie, too analytic I'll get the nerds. I just can't win.
So I'm asking you, YES YOU, to drop a line about me.. help me out. What do you think about me, that is true..worth putting up there. Hey if it all works out, and I get married on rainbows and unicorns..then I'll thank you at my wedding. If not, no hard feelings.
Well my friends, I am eating my words on top of a large slice of humble pie. I've come to the realization that the good ole college days of meeting guys at bars and exchanging phone numbers, along with pleasantries does not happen at this age anymore. ahh 24 not quite a college student, definitely not a full grown adult, however.. I am at the age where I know what works for me and what doesn't. Exchanging phone numbers, small talk and trying to justify publicly making out at a bar..does not work out these days. So I thought I'd give this whole dating site a shot. So far so good, but hey it's only day 3, plenty of time to screw it up.
I've received tons of messages, been asked out, chatted and selectively replied to a few men. What I do know thus far is that, this online dating thing is quite the ego boost. Also, I can rate men publicly and not be judged for it. (finally.)
My issue though, aaah yes I have an issue; is that I don't know how to sell myself. I find the whole thing to be narcissistic and fake. I know that the profile is like the first impression and mine is pretty much like meeting me after 3 tequila shots; short sentences, blatantly honest, opinionated and unapologetic and not at my full potential.
So.. I need help. I just can't find it in me to write something worth reading. I question every sentence by asking myself, what kind of person would that attract? I'm not left with much. Basically the part where your supposed to sell yourself has, "I'm complicated but laid back. I'm also a contradiction." that was the best I could come up with.
I've come to the conclusion that you cannot escape games in dating, not even virtually. If I'm too mushy I'll attract the wimps, if I'm to cheerful I might get a hippie, too analytic I'll get the nerds. I just can't win.
So I'm asking you, YES YOU, to drop a line about me.. help me out. What do you think about me, that is true..worth putting up there. Hey if it all works out, and I get married on rainbows and unicorns..then I'll thank you at my wedding. If not, no hard feelings.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Flirting; Girl's Most Valuable Tool
They say... you know the ominous "they," say that dating is like a jungle. There's so many different animals and their own tribes with their own sets of social behaviours. The Bononbos for example are the animals most closely related to humans. The bonobos have a polygamous mating system..its basically one big sexually driven group of animals. They solve issues over food, land, respect and leadership with sex. Sound familiar?
What I think sets us apart, other than opposable thumbs and the ability to speak.. is our history of monogamy, like penguins. (ok that's enough animal talk)
Now..for those of us that are single and are actively seeking an alternative...you must know how to flirt. This is the most important tool that a single woman should possess - the ability to flirt..and get what she wants.
Now you can be the doting fake princess/damsel in distress.. that's not really my style. Typically this flirting style is for the self proclaimed "hot girls" who are typically blonde and are in some sorority and will yell, "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey giiiiiiiiiiiirl" across the room. Also a "wwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooo girl" when presented with shots.
this style requires vapid conversion, mostly about physical appearances, often a man will discuss how much he can bench, followed by the girl saying how many miles she ran last night.
I'm a little more laid back in my flirting. I guess i'm approachable..which is the first thing a girl should learn. BE APPRAOCHABLE, you will never get hit on if you have a stank face. Smile!
Smiling will get you everywhere. Smile -- look over at the "target" lock eyes, then coyly turn around as if you're embarrassed he caught you. Wait for 3 seconds then look back. He should be smiling by now. Smile bigger, throw a wave if he's reacting. He's yours! ...Then in 3.5 you're PREGNANT!! BOOM! hahah kidding..but this should definitely lead to a conversation, he will come over and all you have to do is be warm, receptive and yourself, remember to smile!
Now, If you're going after a very very attractive guy and you're nervous, you may think he's out of your league.But hey, you're hot, of course you can hit on him! You are going to need to think like this. Guys that know they are attractive are the worst and hardest to whip into shape, they avoid monogamy like the plague. The trick to flirting with this guy is to make him think you could care less about him. Give him the look, then look away. Stand in his area or personal space but avoid talking to him, instead, talk to his friends. Blatantly ignore him and make his friend seem like the most interesting person in the world. He'll be rude then start to crave your attention...then you've got him eating out of your hand. When you finally talk to him make sure you stay away from shallow subjects, don't let him make the conversation about anything physical, like appearances, fitness, or money. You have to keep up this act for a while..because with these guys its all about the chase. Typical.
How to get free drinks: in my experience this works 92.7% of the time. I've honed this down to 3 easy questions which typically results in free drinks. Now, I don't want to toot my own horn but.. toot toot!! This took a couple years to perfect and I think its ready.
Step 1: walk up to a guy at the bar who has just ordered or is about to order a drink.. flash him a big smile, and ask, "do you know if they have any drink specials?" If he does know, say great thanks...what did you get?? (Open ended question) then he'll tell you .. if he doesn't know ask what he's drinking.
Step 2: after he has told you his drink of choice, ask if its good. (Even if you've had it before) he will then ask what you like to drink. NOW tell him 2-3 of your favorite drinks, say you're very indecisive. Continue to make small talk.
Step 3: keep the conversation going. Introduce yourself and your friends..meet his friends and be bubbly. Now when it is time to order get behind him and say something like, "ughhh I can't decide, you pick..
This will lead him to order for you and if he's any sort of prideful gentleman ...paying for it too!
Direct and take charge flirting: now if you're a "I hate playing games" type of gal and strongly oppose having to "try" this one is for you. The trick here is to be direct and assertive without crossing into the friend zone or being too masculine. Most guys like when a girl is assertive, it takes pressure off of them and also gives them an ego boost. The key here is to be yourself, if you're direct then you should have no problem...walk up to him and introduce yourself. Just don't emasculate the guy in the process.
Now surely at least one of the above will work for you. Be yourself no matter which you choose..just be a better more polished and well educated version of yourself!! Here's to tricking men into relationships and free drinks! Cheers!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Red Lights and Stop Signs.
Ever notice what you do at a red light or a backed up stop sign? Do you turn up the music, reach for your phone, look for anything remotely interesting outside? Anything to avoid the quiet inner workings of your preoccupied mind. These red lights can be quite dangerous to a girl who tries to keep busy to take her mind off of how unhappy or sad she still is over a guy who continues to haunt her overworked mind.
You try to take control of your life, because like most breakups..control was denied from you. So you pick up a hobby, start working out, carry your ipod everywhere, make more happy-hour plans than ever before, carry on meaningless text conversations with people you aren't that interested in etc. You do all of this to avoid thinking, torturing yourself rather, with the why's of how it all happened, worse even the play by play and trying to figure out exactly where it went wrong. Now I'm not saying that this happens to everyone at a red light, but riddle me this Batman, what exactly are red lights and stop signs purpose? To slow you down when things get hectic, to create a space between where you are now and where you are trying to go. So indulge me friends...
I think, like for traffic's sake, stop signs..metaphorical red lights in this case also serve a purpose. They are a form of checks and balances, you need to be alone with your thoughts at some point and face those god awful questions you are so desperately seeking the answers to. Granted, at first you do want to keep busy and try to consume your day with positive activities. But then when you are able to go about your day without a breakdown, you have to deal with the emotions you are running away from..because it will just end up eating at you making you a miserable wretch. Sometimes you don't even know how hard you're trying to avoid these thoughts until you are forced to stand still, quitely. Take the time to reflect and face those thoughts, chances are you'll handle it better than you thought..and the more you are able to deal the faster it will help you to move on.
I wish I could say it gets easy and that you'll be fine and be better off blah blah blah..but let's just say i came to my own red light today...and though I did try and avoid thinking by searching for a half decent song on the radio and reaching for my phone...I gave in and actually took it better than I thought. Now if I can go from wishing a man herpes to successfully dealing with my jarred emotions, I think you'll be fine. In the end I realized that I've been through other, maybe even worse situations and I survived...and I will continue to bounce back, because I will never give up on myself...and I'm awesome. You should think the same of yourself.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
RED FLAGS
Recently I was introduced to bigredflags.com by a friend. Naturally the first thing I did was punch myself for not thinking of this first. Then, I started thinking of all those HUGE red flags I've noticed, but ignored in the past. You know what I'm talking about, those things that a guy (or girl) does, that kind of makes you cringe but you justify it and try to talk yourself into thinking that, it's not really a big deal, because you like them so much..or because you're desperate and don't want to be alone.. ya those. Well, i'm not proud, but I have totally ignored some red flags and after reading some of the stories on the blog (link above), I realized...enough is enough!!
I can no longer, no..I WILL NO LONGER ignore these red flags. I've come to the conclusion that I'm okay being single. I'd rather not be, but I am independent, I have amazing friends, I'm cool as hell and adventurous.. I don't need to subject myself to basically, self inflicted pain by ignoring things that are so blatant at times..when I should just walk away from the situation.
Let me preface the narration below, "hellerrrr" -should be read like Wendy Williams
"Baaa-nanas" -should be read like Rachel Zoe.
--If you don't know who these ladies are, 1st go slap yourself, 2nd google them.
Here are some of the red flags I've ignored:
Possessive 'Playground toy', boy: super jealous, questions every guy I talk to. Doesn't believe any guy friend is just a friend. When he sees me talking to anyone of the opposite sex, feels the need to wrap his hands around me and kiss me. After explaining that I wasn't into PDA, he asks me if I even like him then accuses me of liking his brother. --hellerrr RED FLAG
Man-Child serial monogamist/committment phobe?: repeatedly told me he didn't want anything serious. I pretended like I could be okay with something more casual, even though he wanted exclusivity..just not "the title," he said. Finally, he commits after I jokingly say something about not wanting to wait around. Ends up saying he wasn't ready for a relationship or marriage, granted the Man-Child is 28 and had been in a relationship with me for the last 8 months.. never mind that. Should have just listened when he told me, blatantly "I Don't Want Something Serious" --hellerrrrr RED FLAG!
Peter Pan syndrome: On multiple occasions, with multiple men I've ignored this doosie. This applies to a man over the age of 26 who has no drive, but all the imagination in the world. Can usually pick up and leave without a care in the world, (which doesn't always make you spontaneous and fun, it makes you completely un-grounded and perpetually looking for what's missing, rather than enjoying what you have.) NO direction, continues to tell you all his "dreams" as empty as they may be.. always has short term goals, nothing substantial of course. Then when they can't accomplish these irrelevant goals, they move on. Completely unfazed. --hellerrr RED FLAG.
The Sexual Deviant: When a "straight man" asks you to play around with his... not so straight man parts. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG! Baaa-nanas!!
Here are some RED FLAGS from people I know, whether they told me or not:
Guys in gangs/have been to jail/arrested/fighters etc. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG! Baaa-nanas!
Cheaters: being honest of your cheating past doesn't make you a saint. 80% of the time, it's kind of a warning. Then they can and will refer to that time where they told you they had a problem.
Baby Mama Drama: I'm sorry, but dating comes with it's own baggage. I don't need more. (neither do you!) --RED FLAG
Over 35 and never been married? - just weird. Afraid? what's wrong with them? -- Baaa-nanas
Those who perpetually accuse you of cheating: ok, I've said this before and I'll say it again, I believe guilt breeds jealousy. Those people who are constantly paranoid of being cheated on or accuse constantly..are just guilty. They are usually the ones fooling around. --RED FLAG
Guys without JOBS! (who are not actively pursuing one) -no explanation necessary --Hellerrrr RED FLAG!
Secret Keeper --RED FLAG!
Not-So-Social Drinker: when you can't plan an activity without alcohol, and the absence of alcohol is upsetting or results in anger issues. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG!
Like I said earlier, I WILL NO LONGER ignore these red flags. I am determined to listen to my gut. We all know whether a person is genuine early on and when you feel that gut check, aka red flag and ignore it you are setting yourself up for heartache. I am completely content with my life as it is and I will not continue to waste my time on a man who is simply...not worth it.
The times...they are a-changing! (here's hoping there is not a part 2)
I can no longer, no..I WILL NO LONGER ignore these red flags. I've come to the conclusion that I'm okay being single. I'd rather not be, but I am independent, I have amazing friends, I'm cool as hell and adventurous.. I don't need to subject myself to basically, self inflicted pain by ignoring things that are so blatant at times..when I should just walk away from the situation.
Let me preface the narration below, "hellerrrr" -should be read like Wendy Williams
"Baaa-nanas" -should be read like Rachel Zoe.
--If you don't know who these ladies are, 1st go slap yourself, 2nd google them.
Here are some of the red flags I've ignored:
Possessive 'Playground toy', boy: super jealous, questions every guy I talk to. Doesn't believe any guy friend is just a friend. When he sees me talking to anyone of the opposite sex, feels the need to wrap his hands around me and kiss me. After explaining that I wasn't into PDA, he asks me if I even like him then accuses me of liking his brother. --hellerrr RED FLAG
Man-Child serial monogamist/committment phobe?: repeatedly told me he didn't want anything serious. I pretended like I could be okay with something more casual, even though he wanted exclusivity..just not "the title," he said. Finally, he commits after I jokingly say something about not wanting to wait around. Ends up saying he wasn't ready for a relationship or marriage, granted the Man-Child is 28 and had been in a relationship with me for the last 8 months.. never mind that. Should have just listened when he told me, blatantly "I Don't Want Something Serious" --hellerrrrr RED FLAG!
Peter Pan syndrome: On multiple occasions, with multiple men I've ignored this doosie. This applies to a man over the age of 26 who has no drive, but all the imagination in the world. Can usually pick up and leave without a care in the world, (which doesn't always make you spontaneous and fun, it makes you completely un-grounded and perpetually looking for what's missing, rather than enjoying what you have.) NO direction, continues to tell you all his "dreams" as empty as they may be.. always has short term goals, nothing substantial of course. Then when they can't accomplish these irrelevant goals, they move on. Completely unfazed. --hellerrr RED FLAG.
The Sexual Deviant: When a "straight man" asks you to play around with his... not so straight man parts. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG! Baaa-nanas!!
Here are some RED FLAGS from people I know, whether they told me or not:
Guys in gangs/have been to jail/arrested/fighters etc. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG! Baaa-nanas!
Cheaters: being honest of your cheating past doesn't make you a saint. 80% of the time, it's kind of a warning. Then they can and will refer to that time where they told you they had a problem.
Baby Mama Drama: I'm sorry, but dating comes with it's own baggage. I don't need more. (neither do you!) --RED FLAG
Over 35 and never been married? - just weird. Afraid? what's wrong with them? -- Baaa-nanas
Those who perpetually accuse you of cheating: ok, I've said this before and I'll say it again, I believe guilt breeds jealousy. Those people who are constantly paranoid of being cheated on or accuse constantly..are just guilty. They are usually the ones fooling around. --RED FLAG
Guys without JOBS! (who are not actively pursuing one) -no explanation necessary --Hellerrrr RED FLAG!
Secret Keeper --RED FLAG!
Not-So-Social Drinker: when you can't plan an activity without alcohol, and the absence of alcohol is upsetting or results in anger issues. --Hellerrrr RED FLAG!
Like I said earlier, I WILL NO LONGER ignore these red flags. I am determined to listen to my gut. We all know whether a person is genuine early on and when you feel that gut check, aka red flag and ignore it you are setting yourself up for heartache. I am completely content with my life as it is and I will not continue to waste my time on a man who is simply...not worth it.
The times...they are a-changing! (here's hoping there is not a part 2)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Dating Fairy Tales and Horror Stories
Since I'm newly dating..yet again, I've been thinking a lot about my standards. In a person and about the date itself..which led me down memory lane. I've had my fair share of dates (mostly first dates lol) some bad, some good..some amazing. Now, as a naturally curious person, I began to wonder if other people had similar dating stories, whether they are fairy tales or horror stories. I asked my friends on Facebook to tell me their best and/or worst dating stories..I didn't get too much of a response, as people are naturally cautious and would like to avoid embarrassment (normal). I on the other hand, completely void of modesty with an overwhelming need to entertain, have no problem sharing embarrassing uncomfortable stories.
My reasoning for this is to figure out if there are any good guys still out there, and if so..why haven't I met more of them. Where are they?
I've put great thought into this. My top 3 dates:
1. Received a call from a guy I met through a friend at a party the night before, where we talked about music and specifically a concert the next day, Angels and Airwaves. I mentioned really wanting to go, but had no one to go with..friends weren't really into the band etc. ..So this guy calls me the next day asking to hang out, sure I say. Couple hours later he's picking me up..no clue where we are going then parks downtown where he then tells me he is taking me to see Angels and Airwaves. Yaaaay, I squeal. We have a great time, get pizza then head to his place where he serenades me with his guitar..then drops me off at home. Gentleman.
(how lovely, right?! Attention to detail, genuine feeling and originality, needless to say it didn't work out (single)..but boy can he plan a first date.)
2. This is a second date. After an amazing dinner the night before, this guy invites me to a UT football game, spare ticket (i had already graduated and was dying to go to a game, since I was no longer able to pay student prices.)He picks me up, we have a great time at the game, gets me over-priced snacks, the works. Then, we continue at a tailgate after, with my friends. He is genuinely making an effort, getting to know my friends.. being social etc. Then suggest we all get food so we continue on (7 hrs later) eating dinner. Finally, the date is over and he say's he can't wait to see me again.
(awesome conversation, tons of time spent together and no awkward pauses. Overall splendid.)
3. Ex boyfriend, whom I met on vacation through friends. A very large group of us treks to Colorado every year, this year the girls flew and the guys drove. We, trying to save money on bag checking, sent our luggage with the guys to and fro. So after a week of spending time together on vacation, my ex texted me saying he has my luggage hostage and if I wanted it back I'd have to see him again. (I about died by how cute this all was). So when we get back into town I go over to his place, he then takes me to lunch..then coffee and back to his place where we continue to talk for hours.
(it was amazing. I knew I wanted to be with him immediately, he really had a knack for laying on the charm..while still being completely genuine...however, still hate him. :)
Now here are some of my friends, best dates:
Meg: Tour of her favorite winery where they watched a Rainstorm roll in from the patio. :) sounds majestic.
Ale (married): trip to Vegas that included a limo, helicopter ride and a fancy dinner followed by a secret engagement in the morning. - perfection.
Cori: Skydiving! followed by floating the river and ended in him making dinner and watching movies all night. -for the adventurous romantic, sounds amazing.
MY WORST DATE:
1. 1st date, we shall call him Tiny Dancer. Meet up downtown where I find him completely hammered. He then proceeds to dance like an idiot for 30 minutes before I completely lose my cool and politely ask him if he would like me to join him. His reply, "I'm a solo dancer, give me 10 minutes." ..needless to say, I gave him the whole night, I left to meet up with a group of friends.
Friends Worst Dates:
1. Her date made them leave a concert to go meet his coke dealer (no lie) then asked if she was into asphyxiation. - terrible.
2. She was forced to buy tickets to a concert for HER own birthday by her boyfriend, then he decides that they are going to a house-party instead and leaves with another girl. -DOUCHE.
3. getting too drunk and accidentally throwing up on them.. -oops..lol?
4. Being dumped because, hey.. my family is old fashioned and well..you're Mexican and Catholic, and well..my Mom expects me to Marry a White Baptist girl. Sorry. -hey douchebag, we've been dating for 9 months..not exactly hiding the fact that I'm Mexican. Dick!
With all this info, I'm still at square one. Dating is basically a game of risk. Dating is like playing chess. Dating is like going all in on a casino game in Vegas. Dating is being completely vulnerable and hoping for the best, trusting a complete stranger with your heart meanwhile trying to put your best foot forward. Dating is all these things and more..mostly, dating is something I'm terrible at. Now.. with just as many negative things that happen how does one stay positive? One could say I'm pessimistic and "glass half empty" but..can you blame me? All I know is that if I'm skeptical in my abilities to date.. how the hell am I supposed to trust a stranger?
I've had some good experience, still no closer to the end game, marriage. However, I'm not yet ready to give up. I'm hoping that I meet men worthy of the "best date" category and that the "worst date" men avoid me like the plague. How does one tell the difference? I mean, someone's trash is another's treasure..right?
My reasoning for this is to figure out if there are any good guys still out there, and if so..why haven't I met more of them. Where are they?
I've put great thought into this. My top 3 dates:
1. Received a call from a guy I met through a friend at a party the night before, where we talked about music and specifically a concert the next day, Angels and Airwaves. I mentioned really wanting to go, but had no one to go with..friends weren't really into the band etc. ..So this guy calls me the next day asking to hang out, sure I say. Couple hours later he's picking me up..no clue where we are going then parks downtown where he then tells me he is taking me to see Angels and Airwaves. Yaaaay, I squeal. We have a great time, get pizza then head to his place where he serenades me with his guitar..then drops me off at home. Gentleman.
(how lovely, right?! Attention to detail, genuine feeling and originality, needless to say it didn't work out (single)..but boy can he plan a first date.)
2. This is a second date. After an amazing dinner the night before, this guy invites me to a UT football game, spare ticket (i had already graduated and was dying to go to a game, since I was no longer able to pay student prices.)He picks me up, we have a great time at the game, gets me over-priced snacks, the works. Then, we continue at a tailgate after, with my friends. He is genuinely making an effort, getting to know my friends.. being social etc. Then suggest we all get food so we continue on (7 hrs later) eating dinner. Finally, the date is over and he say's he can't wait to see me again.
(awesome conversation, tons of time spent together and no awkward pauses. Overall splendid.)
3. Ex boyfriend, whom I met on vacation through friends. A very large group of us treks to Colorado every year, this year the girls flew and the guys drove. We, trying to save money on bag checking, sent our luggage with the guys to and fro. So after a week of spending time together on vacation, my ex texted me saying he has my luggage hostage and if I wanted it back I'd have to see him again. (I about died by how cute this all was). So when we get back into town I go over to his place, he then takes me to lunch..then coffee and back to his place where we continue to talk for hours.
(it was amazing. I knew I wanted to be with him immediately, he really had a knack for laying on the charm..while still being completely genuine...however, still hate him. :)
Now here are some of my friends, best dates:
Meg: Tour of her favorite winery where they watched a Rainstorm roll in from the patio. :) sounds majestic.
Ale (married): trip to Vegas that included a limo, helicopter ride and a fancy dinner followed by a secret engagement in the morning. - perfection.
Cori: Skydiving! followed by floating the river and ended in him making dinner and watching movies all night. -for the adventurous romantic, sounds amazing.
MY WORST DATE:
1. 1st date, we shall call him Tiny Dancer. Meet up downtown where I find him completely hammered. He then proceeds to dance like an idiot for 30 minutes before I completely lose my cool and politely ask him if he would like me to join him. His reply, "I'm a solo dancer, give me 10 minutes." ..needless to say, I gave him the whole night, I left to meet up with a group of friends.
Friends Worst Dates:
1. Her date made them leave a concert to go meet his coke dealer (no lie) then asked if she was into asphyxiation. - terrible.
2. She was forced to buy tickets to a concert for HER own birthday by her boyfriend, then he decides that they are going to a house-party instead and leaves with another girl. -DOUCHE.
3. getting too drunk and accidentally throwing up on them.. -oops..lol?
4. Being dumped because, hey.. my family is old fashioned and well..you're Mexican and Catholic, and well..my Mom expects me to Marry a White Baptist girl. Sorry. -hey douchebag, we've been dating for 9 months..not exactly hiding the fact that I'm Mexican. Dick!
With all this info, I'm still at square one. Dating is basically a game of risk. Dating is like playing chess. Dating is like going all in on a casino game in Vegas. Dating is being completely vulnerable and hoping for the best, trusting a complete stranger with your heart meanwhile trying to put your best foot forward. Dating is all these things and more..mostly, dating is something I'm terrible at. Now.. with just as many negative things that happen how does one stay positive? One could say I'm pessimistic and "glass half empty" but..can you blame me? All I know is that if I'm skeptical in my abilities to date.. how the hell am I supposed to trust a stranger?
I've had some good experience, still no closer to the end game, marriage. However, I'm not yet ready to give up. I'm hoping that I meet men worthy of the "best date" category and that the "worst date" men avoid me like the plague. How does one tell the difference? I mean, someone's trash is another's treasure..right?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Dating Quandary
I along with most other women I know are attracted to jerks. Don't get me wrong, I by no means go looking for the guy who will tear my heart in two. Instead, It's an innate characteristic of my subconscious to recognize this severe character flaw in guys who either suppress it deep down to where even they forget they are tools, or those who have yet to be a tool, but boy do they have it in them. Leave it to me to be the lucky gal who unleashes the beast.
After an earth shattering break-up, and yes I've had my fair share, I attempt to date a guy who is the complete opposite or at least seems like it from the afore mentioned tool. In this case, a very nice guy I met at a concert; (shared interest, granted, met ex at concert..oops). New guy however, into Church, very nice, didn't wait the "3" days, set up a date right away then makes another date at the end of the current one: showing interest. All good, great on paper, but ...I can't tell if I like him because he's different and doing things I always thought I wanted or because I actually like him.
I'm second guessing myself a lot these days, so as you can imagine I don't know what "the feeling" feels like anymore. You know that stomach flip you get when you see or talk to someone you like, I had that with my ex all the time, even though we saw each other everyday. This situation is different, I'm on the mend from said break-up, I'm cautious..have a major guard up. I like talking to him, like spending time with him, enjoy the lady-like and appropriate physical interaction thus far, okay..kissing. I do get enjoyment when I'm with him, but I can't tell if it's nerves or "the feeling". Then I think about all the times I've had a "feeling" before, I never second guessed that or thought twice about it. Also, I don't want to jump into another relationship, I feel like I should date multiple guys, really take advantage of keeping my options opened. I along with most girls though, are decent human beings and once we like someone, we don't want to like anyone else. (World's strangest concept for a Manchild.) So my predicament is...to continue dating this guy? Speed up, slow down, date around??? So many questions running through my mind.
Why can't I be happy with a nice guy? It's not for lack of trying or being open to it. I'm doing everything, but when is that not enough. How much time do you give it?
After an earth shattering break-up, and yes I've had my fair share, I attempt to date a guy who is the complete opposite or at least seems like it from the afore mentioned tool. In this case, a very nice guy I met at a concert; (shared interest, granted, met ex at concert..oops). New guy however, into Church, very nice, didn't wait the "3" days, set up a date right away then makes another date at the end of the current one: showing interest. All good, great on paper, but ...I can't tell if I like him because he's different and doing things I always thought I wanted or because I actually like him.
I'm second guessing myself a lot these days, so as you can imagine I don't know what "the feeling" feels like anymore. You know that stomach flip you get when you see or talk to someone you like, I had that with my ex all the time, even though we saw each other everyday. This situation is different, I'm on the mend from said break-up, I'm cautious..have a major guard up. I like talking to him, like spending time with him, enjoy the lady-like and appropriate physical interaction thus far, okay..kissing. I do get enjoyment when I'm with him, but I can't tell if it's nerves or "the feeling". Then I think about all the times I've had a "feeling" before, I never second guessed that or thought twice about it. Also, I don't want to jump into another relationship, I feel like I should date multiple guys, really take advantage of keeping my options opened. I along with most girls though, are decent human beings and once we like someone, we don't want to like anyone else. (World's strangest concept for a Manchild.) So my predicament is...to continue dating this guy? Speed up, slow down, date around??? So many questions running through my mind.
Why can't I be happy with a nice guy? It's not for lack of trying or being open to it. I'm doing everything, but when is that not enough. How much time do you give it?
Friday, September 30, 2011
"little" blog
lit·tle [lit-l]
adjective
1. Small in size; not big; not large; tiny
2. Short in duration; not extensive; short; brief: a little while.
3. Small in number
4. Small in amount or degree; not much: little hope.
5. Of a certain amount; appreciable (usually preceded by a ): We're having a little difficulty.
DearJohn "little",
It's not that common. It doesn't happen to everyone. It IS a problem, and NO, I didn't.
No longer your "Little" problem,
Samantha
adjective
1. Small in size; not big; not large; tiny
2. Short in duration; not extensive; short; brief: a little while.
3. Small in number
4. Small in amount or degree; not much: little hope.
5. Of a certain amount; appreciable (usually preceded by a ): We're having a little difficulty.
Dear
It's not that common. It doesn't happen to everyone. It IS a problem, and NO, I didn't.
No longer your "Little" problem,
Samantha
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Justified?
Warning: I made an ass out of myself. It's Brutal.
...oh I was also drunk, and extra emotional*(monthly). brilliant.
I'm convinced my life is a movie, the whole time this soon-to-be-told brutal story was happening, I was so far removed from the present. I literally felt like I was watching it happen; yelling at myself like you always yell at the idiot girl going to the basement in a scary movie. Literally made a playlist of background music as I was standing there crying/yelling/cursing at my ex. I swear Adele's album 21 played and came full circle. Started with "why don't you remember" then went into to some accusatory statements of cheating, "rumour has it"... followed by slowly downhill spiral of rage "turning tables" ..."rolling in the deep"...then grand finale, "set fire to the rain" and I can assure you..fire was set!
What started as a low key Sunday Funday Brunch took a turn for the worst after about, oh I don't know; 4 Mimosas, 2 shots...then 2 vodka drinks. All the while, somehow talking about my ex, friends asking questions wondering what happened. -pot stirred. At this point, I had yet to get my things from his place- granted these things didn't matter; curling iron, body lotion etc...then I remembered he had a key. Drunk thoughts: if I ever did anything..he has a key. Crap, yea I'll go get it.
He had been messaging me and I had yet to reply so I finally sent him a message saying that my friend was going to pick it up, "stuff is on patio he says" I get pissed. Really, you're going leave my shit on the patio. I Get there, get my stuff & head back down and then BOOM! A burst of black Rage- I saw Red, my body was controlling, all logic -gone. I'm knocking on the door, "forgot something" I said. I Barge in and get what I was looking for, then leave you ask?...oh no, I didn't stop there. I don't remember the exact conversation, it was a rage/drunk blackout, I can't decide which was more in control; but I will provide the gist.
"How could you, you're the biggest piece of Sh*t I've ever met, were you dating her before we broke up, yea...I know about her, you think you're that sly, YOUR friends told me" "how dare you, you're right I did take pleasure in you breaking your collar bone after we broke up" "you racist, I can't believe you used that card." "Wanting to see other people and ALREADY seeing other people are two very different circumstances, douchebag"
His Responses: It's not about her, How did you know, Don't talk about HER!, I just didn't know what to tell you, I couldn't look at you and say those things (douche broke up with me over the phone*) "I just wasn't IN love with you like I thought I was". *BOOM* RAGE**
"You're a low life, you have no real passion, you don't have any substantial dreams, you're a flake" "you'll never find better" "DAMN DISNEY PRINCESS NAME (new girls name is a disney name)"and not even the princess, her name is a octopus's name, who the f**k names their kid after an Octopus??!?" "I hope you get herpes, I hope she gives it to you, or some other incurable disease"
Oh yea, Pretty sure you can imagine just how brutal this all was. I'm not proud, but I did get to say things I wanted to. I don't really remember him putting up too much of a counter argument, so at least I got closure. I'm not happy I did this, but it's making it a whole lot easier to move on now. I did laugh hysterically, the next day at the disney princess part. I'm ridiculous. ..oh and the herpes comment. Told you, grand finale "set fire to the rain" Adele.
Then, there was a call to my mom about how much I had to put up with and how he didn't deserve me. May have been a convo about size..Mom, was less than happy about that, "you, me!" i responded.
I'm not a monster, nor do I actually wish he gets a disease, but...the sentiment of revenge stands. I'm only human. I just wanted him to know, that what he did has consequences, it affected me and that when someone is as selfish as he was...it shouldn't go unsaid. It needed to be expressed. Granted, probably not after drinking..but what can you do. Liquid courage.
...oh I was also drunk, and extra emotional*(monthly). brilliant.
I'm convinced my life is a movie, the whole time this soon-to-be-told brutal story was happening, I was so far removed from the present. I literally felt like I was watching it happen; yelling at myself like you always yell at the idiot girl going to the basement in a scary movie. Literally made a playlist of background music as I was standing there crying/yelling/cursing at my ex. I swear Adele's album 21 played and came full circle. Started with "why don't you remember" then went into to some accusatory statements of cheating, "rumour has it"... followed by slowly downhill spiral of rage "turning tables" ..."rolling in the deep"...then grand finale, "set fire to the rain" and I can assure you..fire was set!
What started as a low key Sunday Funday Brunch took a turn for the worst after about, oh I don't know; 4 Mimosas, 2 shots...then 2 vodka drinks. All the while, somehow talking about my ex, friends asking questions wondering what happened. -pot stirred. At this point, I had yet to get my things from his place- granted these things didn't matter; curling iron, body lotion etc...then I remembered he had a key. Drunk thoughts: if I ever did anything..he has a key. Crap, yea I'll go get it.
He had been messaging me and I had yet to reply so I finally sent him a message saying that my friend was going to pick it up, "stuff is on patio he says" I get pissed. Really, you're going leave my shit on the patio. I Get there, get my stuff & head back down and then BOOM! A burst of black Rage- I saw Red, my body was controlling, all logic -gone. I'm knocking on the door, "forgot something" I said. I Barge in and get what I was looking for, then leave you ask?...oh no, I didn't stop there. I don't remember the exact conversation, it was a rage/drunk blackout, I can't decide which was more in control; but I will provide the gist.
"How could you, you're the biggest piece of Sh*t I've ever met, were you dating her before we broke up, yea...I know about her, you think you're that sly, YOUR friends told me" "how dare you, you're right I did take pleasure in you breaking your collar bone after we broke up" "you racist, I can't believe you used that card." "Wanting to see other people and ALREADY seeing other people are two very different circumstances, douchebag"
His Responses: It's not about her, How did you know, Don't talk about HER!, I just didn't know what to tell you, I couldn't look at you and say those things (douche broke up with me over the phone*) "I just wasn't IN love with you like I thought I was". *BOOM* RAGE**
"You're a low life, you have no real passion, you don't have any substantial dreams, you're a flake" "you'll never find better" "DAMN DISNEY PRINCESS NAME (new girls name is a disney name)"and not even the princess, her name is a octopus's name, who the f**k names their kid after an Octopus??!?" "I hope you get herpes, I hope she gives it to you, or some other incurable disease"
Oh yea, Pretty sure you can imagine just how brutal this all was. I'm not proud, but I did get to say things I wanted to. I don't really remember him putting up too much of a counter argument, so at least I got closure. I'm not happy I did this, but it's making it a whole lot easier to move on now. I did laugh hysterically, the next day at the disney princess part. I'm ridiculous. ..oh and the herpes comment. Told you, grand finale "set fire to the rain" Adele.
Then, there was a call to my mom about how much I had to put up with and how he didn't deserve me. May have been a convo about size..Mom, was less than happy about that, "you, me!" i responded.
I'm not a monster, nor do I actually wish he gets a disease, but...the sentiment of revenge stands. I'm only human. I just wanted him to know, that what he did has consequences, it affected me and that when someone is as selfish as he was...it shouldn't go unsaid. It needed to be expressed. Granted, probably not after drinking..but what can you do. Liquid courage.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
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